Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
