i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize