I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I love having hate sex.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high