Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM

(616): View more from Michigan

Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?

(401): View more from Rhode Island

wait... oh

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Old men and throwing up are my life now.

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(815): View more from Illinois

My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(507): View more from Minnesota

I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.

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(204): View more from Manitoba

She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous

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(480): View more from Arizona

You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI

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(904): View more from Florida

There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.

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(616): View more from Michigan

Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?

(1-616): View more from Michigan

Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?

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