I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.