i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
