there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just pee around me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
