also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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