Barsexuality is the new black.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
