so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
