we have pet lesbian snakes
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
