k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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