Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
