in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
