Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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