I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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