last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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