**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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