obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Floor bacon is actually really good
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
