I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
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