I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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