we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
