if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
