Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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