he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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