one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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