apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
