There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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