he told me I talked like a deaf person
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
