i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
