I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
