he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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