I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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