Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
