Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
