the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
