I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
