I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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