I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
