i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
