it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I enjoy the company of your penis
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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