We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
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