Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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