Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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