So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
