I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
