dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
