There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
