I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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