Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??