I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
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