Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY