Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together