dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
