so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I cut my penus on the lid.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
