GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
