I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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