We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize