It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
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He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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