haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
